You can't always be strong.

I guess I am learning that its okay to struggle, or even fail, because it reminds us how strong we are, and what we are capable of doing. I was having a horrible day, or rather -- more like a terrible week. I haven't been eating well - just putting whatever in my mouth -- tracking for the most part, but doing this whole weight watchers things wrong.

As such, I have learned that just because I can afford to eat something (point-wise), doesn't mean it should go in my body. I have become hypersensitive to garbage foods. Sugars especially. I get what I call a sugarheadache, and I have to drown it out with excess water. I've learned that my body craves that water and really doesn't function well without it.

I've also learned that I need to eat good lunches. Life is unkind when you aren't feeling your best. And everrrrrrrything gets worse -- those negative feelings flood the doors of my mind and I drown in them. It's disgusting really, because it leaves me all bloated and out of breath (excuse the partial metaphor, but quite honestly its the case). My belly currently feels like it has excess water or material in there and it makes me short of breath. This could also be the result of me not going to the gym in almost 2 weeks.

I've learned that excuses and obstacles are two separate things. Just because I am facing new obstacles in my life doesn't mean that I need to use them as excuses - though it is so very easy.

I've also learned that these defeating thoughts and terrible patterns of behaviour ARE breakable. Just because I get into these destructive moods where I look at my body, or photographs and see no change -- doesn't mean that change hasn't occured. I've done well. And I have begun to recognize the change.

Let me repeat: I've done well. I CAN break negative patterns of behaviour. Obstacles do NOT equal excuses. I need to eat to live, not the other way around. Hydration is key. Sugar headaches are painful, and entirely UNNECESSARY -- yet, mistakes happen. For I am human, and you can't always be strong.


 
...But I am strong enough to know, that I can shake myself from this rut and be as fierce as necessary. I AM BEAUTIFUL. I CAN OVERCOME. I AM LOVED. AND I AM WORTH THIS.

*thanks to my wonderful boyfriend and his momma for changing my opinion of me. <3