So to begin with. I gained 4.4 lbs over the week of Christmas, missed a WI (the first since I re-joined in Feb) and then lost 2lbs the following week. This means that I only really gained 2.4 lbs over Christmas, and considering I can easily do that any other week of life...I was quite satisfied.
But I also realize that I really like to make excuses for myself. For gaining, when I am supposed to be losing weight on a weekly basis. Not to beat myself up over it...I mean I've lost 39 lbs since Feb, so that's something. But I really feel like I let myself off the hook. At the same time, at least this is maintainable, and hopefully my body/skin will react more positively to this slow loss. But let's be serious...I am capable of more.
I recently re-watched "My 120 Pound Journey" which is totally inspiring, and I've even read into his story a bit more. Ben weighed 360 some pounds and took 12 minutes to run a mile. Why can't I do that so simply? Sure...I am running a mile in around 12 minutes now, but that's after losing 70 some lbs, and working out 3x a week quite steadily for over 4 months, and even then I struggle to finish it without side stiches. Why don't I have that drive? Ben says if you want to do something - do it. And while that is very inspiring...my body doesn't want me to.
Or is that just me making excuses, again?
My brother recently joined a gym where he lives after putting on a great deal of weight. He has been quite fit and active most of his life. A Kin student and sports addict and a male (sorry, but its true) -- losing weight is easy for him (at least so far). He has apparently lost 15 lbs just in his first week. It's really discouraging for me. Especially since he has taunted me about my weight my entire life, and I finally was weighing in at almost his weight and he decides he needs to lose weight. It almost felt good, you know? Why do I feel like I need to prove anything to him?
I have done well. Of course I have. And I continue to do well. So why do I beat myself up?
I needed to get into a better headspace so a few days ago I outlined some goals for myself. For the week, I kept things pretty simple: Gym 3x a week. No sweets! And eating mainly powerfoods.
Well...the gym I am doing, and no sweets (apart from frozen yogurt), but the powerfoods this is still escaping me some. I have been incorporating more fruits and vegetables and tracking diligently. I am really feeling more positive about what I am putting into my body, and I am feeling better.
As far as my weight loss goals are concerned for the year, I have set a few deadlines. By Feb I want to lose 50 lbs total. Meaning I have 11 more lbs to go. 5 WI's. I can do it, right? By August 20th, I want to have at least 77 lbs off. To add up to 50 lbs in a year from August-August. So I need to hit 77lbs by then, which I am told I can easily do. And I can if I really push it. SO, I am going to do this. Theres no more maybe. I am going to do it.
No more excuses. No more listening to those inner demons.
I also signed up for a 10 week challenge which begins Monday which I think might help me out in terms of accountability. I just need to stop making excuses. Oh! And I have given myself a deadline of Jan 31, to build up to running 5k's on the treadmill. Tuesday I ran for 1.5 miles. Mile 1 @ 5.0, 0.5 mile @ 4.0. So, I can do this. I just need to focus positive attention on my goal, and I can achieve it.
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